Not too long ago I received a notification from one of the apps on my phone called Sprinkle of Jesus that read like this “Some stay broken because of the abuse, and some are built from it.” When I read that it struck a chord in my heart. A week prior I was dealing with something from my past, a type of abuse.
I had to tie some loose ends regarding a situation that happened about 3yrs ago. At first, I was like ok great I’ll just take care of this and finally just put this all behind me because I already forgave and moved on and healed. I’ll be fine—wrong!
When I returned home after signing some paperwork my body was shaking, my heart was racing I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so sad and hurt it has been three years since the incident. It took me three years to get where I am today. Three long years of crying, hating, forgiving (not for the other person’s benefit but for myself to be free) to only go back to hating, to crying it was a vicious circle. I became a totally different person. I would say I moved on and that I let go but my actions said differently I was so guarded, standoffish and I had the worse insomnia for the first year.
All these old emotions were stirring up inside me again for a moment I was giving my past power over my present. For a moment I lost sight of everything I learned and I everything I built from all the pain, I also lost sight of where I got my strength from to push forward each day. I had to pause right where I was and regroup my thoughts and emotions. I had to remind myself of the person I am now and how much stronger and beautiful I was inside and out.
Sometimes its ok to think about the past and still get emotional. It’s called the healing process and it doesn’t get better right away it may take years. Just be sure that you are progressing and are not stagnant.
As cliché, as it sounds always remember forgiveness, isn’t for the other person’s conscious but for your peace of mind and peace for your soul.